This next blog is an attempt to chronicle the last 4 months of my life for my personal history, because although I knew it would be bad (very bad) that little blessing from Heavenly Father called amnesia made me forget how truly horrific the first 4 months of pregnancy are for me.
Yes, we are expecting Allen baby #4 due July 1st. It was very planned, much anticipated, the pregnancy itself slightly dreaded, but we were thrilled when we finally found out we were pregnant. We knew we had about 10 days before the nausea, exhaustion, etc kicked in so I made the most of those days. Scrubbed bathrooms, cut hair, trimmed nails, washed sheets, made a couple freezer meals, cleaned out the fridge, etc. and waited for it to hit. And hit it did - 24/7nausea. Morning noon, night, middle of the night - a constant feeling like I was just about to throw up, and 5 minutes of relief when I finally did which for me was only around 10 times, but I always wished it were more. 50 minutes of not feeling like I was on the verge of throwing up over the last 4 months - yuck. We thought we had braced ourselves for the worst, but Steve and I both had simply forgotten. Actually Steve swears I've been the sickest this pregnancy, but Aunt Diane hit the nail on the head saying it's probably the hardest because we have three kids to manage now. I think she is right. Many titles for this blog have ran through my mind..."4 Months of Hell", "How Could I Forget This?", "We Made It...Barely." But I settled on a line my wise, experienced father texted me at about week 9 - "This Too Shall Pass." I can now say at 23 weeks I occasionally have my moments, but the worst finally has passed.
I wanted to record some of the
tender mercies I was able to experience, and things that made an impression on my mind and helped us to survive this time.
Potty Trained! About 3 weeks after the sickness started Blake was completely potty trained at 2 years and 9 months, including staying dry through the night. He was ready long before this, but I thought my to-do list was too long to stay home for the week or two it required. Every time I tried I would end up "needing" to go somewhere, run an errand or help someone. Well, Heavenly Father took care of that by solidly grounding me to the couch 20 feet from the bathroom, with no desire to step foot anywhere in the house or out of the house! Life came to a screeching halt. Kali was my angel helper and I told her every time Blake went to the bathroom they both got a treat. She took on the challenge like a champ and every 10 minutes was asking Blake if he needed to go, helping him with his pants, reminding him to flush and wash, even helping him wipe on my worst days. He didn't really care about the treats, but she did! He has had no problem since with going #1, #2 and nighttime dryness. I can count one hand how many accidents he has had and I am grateful for that EASY to train little boy and that tender mercy.
Jelly Toast - Early into this my little Kali asked me "Mommy, do you feel sick?" I answered with a weak nod and she was back in 5 minutes with a triumphant grin and a piece of bread spread with a 2 inch layer of jelly on it. She was so precious and thoughtful during the whole sickness, bringing me jelly toast, water and anything else I asked for.
Fortified Cereal - I can't overstate how much of this my family has eaten over the past four months. It was often all I could fathom putting in my mouth, almost the daily choice for breakfast, often lunch and occasionally dinner. I am just grateful it is fortified.
Friends- Many meals showed up on our doorstep, often without anyone asking if they could be brought. We were all so appreciative. The encouraging words were so appreciated, especially from those who have been through this. My dear friend Amanda wrote a perfectly timed message saying week 8 or 9 was the hardest because you felt like you'd been sick for an eternity, but you knew you had so long to go. It hit the nail on the head. Another friend, Annie encouraged me to try Unisom and B-6 and it made all the difference for me allowing me to sleep at night or at least fall back to sleep after waking up on the verge of throwing up.
Family - I am pretty sure my mom did 13 loads of laundry when they came out for Thanksgiving, and the clean clothes lasted for weeks. Aunt what a tender mercy was the visit from my Aunt Lynette and my Grandma Alley. Grandma and Aunt Lynette loved, entertained and taught the kids right during a time I was threatening miscarriage. Aunt Lynette has the ability to do the work of 4 women wrapped into one and between her and Grandma - boy did they work. In the two days they were here she changed all the sheets, cleaned out and organized the fridge and freezer, organized the pantry, did countless loads of laundry, and cooked meals. I simply sat on the couch in nausea and pain and was forever grateful for her work for the next 2 months!
Steve - All I can say is that me, the tornado of a house and the kids were not a pretty sight to come home to, but he did every night with a smile and willing hands ready to bring dinner, put kids to bed, and clean up. He picked up countless prescriptions, given back rubs to help me relax to fall asleep, cleaned and done laundry while I sat helpless. He pulled the whole family through this.
My CNA's - Many people have asked how I was able to work during this as I am working 24 hours a week - two 12 hour days - to get insurance to have this little one. It's not easy - I often dry heaved going to and coming from, and fell into a chair and was sleeping (or crying) moments after arriving home. BUT... my CNAs (Certified Nursing Assistants) were LIFESAVERS. I am on the Cardiac Floor so luckily I don't have many wounds, dressing changes, incontinent people, etc. But I do occasionally get them or have fun parts of my job to do like collecting stool samples, having people show me what they've hacked up "just in case I need to let the doctor know," and have plenty of nausea and vomiting. It's the nature of my job. My CNA's have saved the day. They are
always the first to find out I am pregnant, usually by my dry heaving during one of these special moments. They pull me into the hall and say "You are NOT going back into that room! I can handle it!" They often don't tell me when they've handled a "code brown" or other exciting moments until it is all cleaned up. They run to answer call lights when I am too exhausted or nauseated to do it and keep me out of contact precaution rooms - infectious rooms: Influenza, MRSA, C-Diff, etc. So how am I able to work? I don't have to cook for anyone, wipe any bottoms, clean up any dirty dishes, spills or accidents, or deal with laundry like I do at home. I give a lot of medication, do a lot of teaching, and do a lot of coordinating care and charting. I have CNA's, housekeepers, and a cafeteria that has healthy, prepared food as often as I need it. Most of all - my CNA's come to the rescue.
The 12 weeks ultrasound - I planned some special mommy-daughter time for little Kali as she had been such an incredible help for me. I asked if she wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat at my ultrasound and go out for frozen yogurt afterward and she was THRILLED for the chance. I arranged a playdate for Blake and her and I went to the appointment. Little did I know the doctor would do an ultrasound! Kali stood close beside me as the baby appeared on the screen and a big grin spread over her face as she saw little hands, arms and legs just moving away. She began waving back saying, "Hello! Oh hi, little one! I'm Kali! I'm your big sister and we're going to share a bunk bed and play together!" It was all I could to to hold the tears back as I saw this precious little life inside me and it's big sister loving it already. That unexpected ultrasound really gave me the strength to keep going.
Hilarious lines: The kiddos said the funniest things and I wanted to record a few of them:
Trenton: I was changing Blake's diaper and started dry heaving away. I told Trenton to RUN and get me a plastic sack (it was to wrap up the stinky diaper quick, but he thought it was to catch what was about to come out of my mouth.) He threw the sack at me and ran off saying, "Mom I really love you, but I CANNOT stay to watch this!"
Trenton: During one of his more recent prayers, "And please bless the baby to grow healthy and strong off of all of Mom's fat." Sigh.
Blake: One particularly rough morning I ran to the bathroom to throw up and poor Blake was apparently very hungry. He stood right next to me and watched the process, and as I was catching my breath he said: "Now you can pour me cereal, Mom?" Sure, buddy. I'll be right on that.
Trenton & Kali: We were at the dinner table and Steve had just finished giving the kids a lecture on how it was so important to help Mommy, especially cleaning up dirty or gross things so I wouldn't have to deal with them. Blake was potty training and had his pants off. He stood up, announced he had to go to the bathroom and proceeded to go all over his dinner plate. It was funny, but too much for me to handle and got me going on the dry heaves. Steve wrinkled his nose, looked at me and said "All right, is it your turn or mine?" The kids jumped all over him! "Are you kidding, Dad? There's no way Mom can clean that up! That is disgusting. You just told us we had to help her! Dad!!!" It was hilarious.
I can't explain the relief I have knowing the worst has passed - I just wanted to write a few of these things down for the record :). We are truly looking forward to welcoming Baby BOY #3 around July 1st!
