Ready...or Not

Trenton's first day of school officially came and he and I were READY. His birthday is the 26th of September and the deadline for kindergarteners was Oct 1st until last year. It was changed to September 15th last year, so technically he could have started last year. Steve and I made a rather difficult decision to hold him back and stick with the old deadline. So after almost two years with three preschoolers underfoot I was ready for kindergarten to start, and Trenton was definitely ready for the structure and routine of school.

Or so I thought.

After all the preparation of uniforms, school supplies, shoes, meet & greet w/the teacher, loads of paperwork, etc. the big day arrived. After beautiful school blessings from Daddy, we put Trenton to bed at 8. Steve asked me if he seemed nervous. I replied, "No. He's ready." I was cleaning up in the kitchen and about 45 minutes later I heard a little voice say, "I forgot to say thank-you." I spun around and there was my little wide-eyed boy - who has never once in his life not fallen right asleep after laying down. "Thank you?" "Yes Mom. For the drink of water you brought me. Thank you for that." Well, maybe a little nervous.

What a blessing Steve could be there for the big send off; the whole family drove over to the school. We asked him what he was going to do and he said with a straight face, "I am going to work. At school." My little serious guy. We walked up to the school and turned back and threw his arms around me. He hugged and hugged and hugged me. He wouldn't let go.

And that's when I lost it.

His sweet little arms gave me one last squeeze and I tried to hide my tears as he took determined steps toward the school. All the little ones lined up in their uniforms was one of the most precious sights I've ever seen. The parents were the paparazzi, with 2 parents per child filming and snapping away. Their teacher came to the door with a big smile, and as Trenton walked down the hall I realized 1/3 of our (full) time with him was over. And for the first time in my life, the previous 6 years with my boy had gone way too fast. It happened in a blink - I couldn't believe it was over. My mind raced over the past 6 years and things I was glad I was done and things I wished I'd done different. But my heart overflowed with gratitude that I was there.

I sometimes struggle staying home with the kids - it is tedious, monotonous and quite boring, hard work. But I was so grateful at that moment I had not missed my baby Trenton growing up. I had chosen to be with him instead of pursuing a career. We have 2 days a month that they are not with mom or dad as I work one day a week as an RN - 2 of those are Saturdays with Dad. Often I wish I worked more. I have a passion for the art and science of medicine. But watching Trenton walk down the hall I was so grateful for our prophet's and leader's guidance on being the ones to raise our babies - it is simply a season, a short speck of time in the grand scheme of things. And his first 6 years are gone. There is no getting them back. My heart filled with thankfulness and I cried all the way back to the car. A couple of Moms gave me hugs and said, "It gets easier with each one, dear. You poor thing." But it wasn't quite that...I loved sending him to kindergarten- and he loved going. But wasn't it just yesterday he was my baby?