"Welcome home. Welcome to the family reunion."
These were the first words out of Darcie Sims mouth at the 15th annual TAPS National Seminar for Survivors. Darcie was the keynote speaker, a renowned expert on grief and grieving, the kind of lady who can make you laugh and cry at the same time.
She continued, "Welcome to the place you can let your guard down. Take of the mask of 'doing ok' and 'being ok' and 'moving on' and just be. Where we understand that every smile, every laugh, every piece of joy has been hard fought for, and hard earned. Welcome home."
Emily, Steve, Trenton and I attended TAPS Seminar over Memorial Day Weekend. I had my reservations about attending for a second time - I felt almost selfish like someone else needed the tickets, the spots, the chance to heal. Until Darcie said, "If this is your first or second time, we beg you PLEASE come again. You are the reason TAPS is what it is. You help those who follow behind you see hope in the future. Please keep coming."
"Everyone tells you the first year is hard. But we all know the second year is harder."
"Maybe together we have learned it's all right to be WHEREVER YOU ARE on this journey."
I think what amazed Emily and I the most was that being two years out from losing John, we were surprised to realize we were still had one of the most recent losses. But not the most recent - you could tell the first-timers. It looked so painful and raw - they looked like they were in shock, but you knew exactly what that felt like because it was not so long ago you were in their shoes.
It was an incredible weekend...here are some of the highlights.
We were addressed by Gen. Mike Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. It always puts me in awe the time and support he and his wife Deborah give to TAPS and to families of those who have lost someone when he is running 2 wars and commanding countless military bases and operations all over the world.
Emily got to shake hands with the senator responsible for passing the Post 9/11 GI Bill - that all fallen service member's children since 9/11 would be able to attend college for free. The Senate is still working out all the details, but yeah for Johnny!!!
Friday night we were blessed to be able to tour the Pentagon. I had signed Trenton, Steve and I up to go to a Military Concert that night, but a month before DC Trenton's teacher gave him a book about the Pentagon to read for school. Well, Trenton became obsessed. He talked about the Pentagon non-stop and tickets for the tour were GONE! As we were landing he recognized the Pentagon from the air and couldn't stop shouting "Mom, I saw the Pentagon! The REAL LIVE Pentagon!!! Can you believe it?" He went bounding down the concourse "I can't believe I saw the Pentagon." It was like a dagger through the heart everytime he brought it up, knowing I had given up the chance for him to see it.
Well, my mother bear instinct kicked in. I would stop at nothing to try to get him in. But with how wonderful everyone at TAPS is, it didn't take too much.
I went to the desk first thing Friday morning to put our name on the wait-list for tickets. Emily HAD signed up for the tour and offered to take Trenton if we could only get one extra ticket. We were 5 groups down on the list and I started telling Trenton's story. The sweet lady looked at me behind her glasses and handed me one ticket, "Tell Trenton to have a good time. And check back in a bit to see if we can give you two more." I started crying at her kindness. A peer mentor in a TAPS t-shirt came running up and said, "I'm here for hugs! Come here!" It was so cute - I love that TAPS just has people on standby for hugs. Later in the day we checked and indeed Barb had set aside two tickets so we were all able to go...and take illegal pictures like the one above. After Steve took this picture Trenton said, "What does that sign with the camera crossed out mean, Dad?" Whoops.
Within the Pentagon we saw the Fallen Heros Memorial dedicated to all those who lost their lives in 9/11.
We were addressed by Ben Stein who is an avid supporter of the military and of TAPS. His speech gave me the goosebumps. He said, "My next door neighbors are Pierce Brosnan and Barbara Streisand. And while they are stars, actors, and musicians - very capable at that - they are not the stars I want my sons and daughters to grow up to be like. There are over 6 billion people in the world and 1.5 million US service members. They are the only thing standing between the free world as we know it and total annihilation of everything we hold fast and true. And you family members are the backbone of those defending the free world as we know it. Those are the true stars! Those are the stars I want my sons and daughters to grow up to be like!"
Trenton was able to go to a Good Grief Camp - here he is with his mentor Mark. They have a mentor for every child - 400 children & 400 mentors!
We were able to attend the Memorial Day Concert on the Lawn at the Capital Building.
It is an awe inspiring evening of music and stories that leaves me speechless...
And can be very hard.
On Monday we used our free time to tour DC. Emily was teasing us that this was the first time Steve and I have ever rode a subway. Yes, most of our travel has taken us to areas without subways...but Hawaii, Argentina and Guatemala had other things that compensated ;). Really, though I could spend an entire year touring the east coast.
We went to the Botanical Gardens in DC - oh, I loved every minute of it.
This was the cutest scene...there were 3 little boys all from different countries. Trenton English speaking, the little boy in the white shirt spoke French, and the two little boys in red spoke Spanish. But they all did the exact same thing - climbed on the rocks to watch and try to splash/feed/play with the ducks, laughing together and being told by their parents to back up, please! Childhood knows no divides.
We also were able to go to the Natural History Museum - this Jellyfish is two stories long hanging from the ceiling.
It is interesting...many people asked me last year what we were able to do in DC. What did you see? Where did you go? And I would just shake my head thinking, "I met Crystal, a sister who had lost a brother, her baby brother, and her life hasn't been the same since. And we were able to talk about it and finally talk to someone who understood. Is there anything in DC more valuable to me than being with that person? No way."
This year though, I had interest in seeing other things, in sharing them with my family, in reaching beyond TAPS. But it didn't change that the most valuable things I took from this weekend were from TAPS.
The Good Grief Camp for Children did some great stuff - they all wrote a letter to their loved one they had lost, tied it to a balloon and did a massive balloon launch.
They toured Washington a bit, saw the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum and the Washington Monument, but most of all did what TAPS does best...
gained a shoulder to lean on.
