Wasatch Back, Baby!

 Last summer my cousin Natalie Anderton asked  a simple question, "Would you like to run the Wasatch Back with me next summer?"  I laughed and said, "I'm not really a runner, so if you don't mind a 12 minute mile on your team,  sure, sounds fun."  This simple question became a focus of my year beginning in January.  Because in January I realized my first leg was 7 miles mostly uphill, and thought "What did I get into?!" So I began running 10 minutes at a time for a few weeks, then 20, then 30, then worked up to an hour at a time.  I have a love/hate relationship with running - I don't particularly enjoy the actual run, but love the ENERGY and PATIENCE it gives me.  I am a better mother when I run.  And I love a good goal.  I am trying to make the most of the time I am not pregnant or nursing, and I certainly wouldn't run 4-5 times a week if I didn't have a motivator.

Steve was extremely supportive during my hours training and loaded me up with some great songs on my I-Pod.  And sweet Katie next to me on a treadmill over and over at the gym saying YOU CAN DO IT, after I'd gripe that "I can't believe I signed up for this I don't even like running!" The kids were also great about going to the gym in the winter, then waiting outside for me to finish my morning runs when the weather got better.  I loved rounding the corner to our house and seeing Kali and Blake sitting in their jammies on the front porch, cheering me in and 'helping' me stretch.

We decided it was best if I take the kids to UT and Steve stayed and worked.  Thanks to my Mom and Dad for keeping the kiddos for the 3 day event!  So we loaded up in the car and first drove to Laramie for a fun visit with Choo-choo Grandma.

 Blake had a blast playing with Grandma's fly-swatter, getting all the imaginary flies Grandma pointed out.  He was giggling so hard.

 Thank goodness for BK and some good car games, books and movies.  The kids were really good during the trip!  I got the kids settled at Mom and Dad's house and headed to SLC for a pre-game meet the team dinner at Olive Garden.  The Wasatch Back consists of a 12 person team running 3 legs each for a total of 188 miles from Logan to Park City.  Each team is divided into 2 vans.  Our van began the run at 5:30 Friday morning so we spent Thurs night in a hotel in Logan.  Let the games begin!

 This was bright and early Friday morning all ready to run.  This was my first race where someone else would care about my time.  Anything I've run before I've done for me, but I didn't want to let the team down.  Luckily, everyone was pretty low key about the overall team finish time, so there was no pressure, but I still wanted to do well. The girls in my van were awesome - fun, flexible, able to push themselves to the max on little sleep and food and still be kind and patient and wonderful.

 I was runner number 2 - I started my first leg around 7:45 that morning.  The weather was perfect, I ran my personal best time and gave it everything I had for the 7 miles - it was my favorite leg.

 There were 1200 teams competing and the vans everyone were driving in and the team names were HILARIOUS.  I think I need to get out more, because I couldn't stop laughing at some of the vans.

 Some of the costumes were outrageous - I'll spare you the photo of the all male team who ran in speedos.

 

 The scenery was absolutely beautiful and the team support was awesome.  For most legs, the van could drive beside you and cheer you on, offer drinks, ring the cow bell, etc.  My second leg went pretty good - it was just HOT.

 We rested where and when we could (this is one of the exchange points - Snow Basin Ski Resort) and ate where and when we could.    I never thought I would equate getting 3 hours of sleep on the cement floor of a high school auditorium to sleeping at the Hilton.  I've never been so glad to crawl into a warm sleeping bag safe from the threat of sprinklers turning on at 4 am.  However, when I woke up from this delightful sleep and gasped in pain as I stretched my legs out I thought, this next leg is going to be sweet.  We passed out Ben-gay and Vitamin I (Ibuprofen, taught to me by an experienced marathoner) that morning without hesitation.

After the 3-hour-sleep-nausea and 4 am chill wore off, the only thing I could think  during my last leg as I was limping along was a saying seen on a van - "Running is mental - we are all CRAZY."

We ran into the night and in the early hours of the morning, navigating exchange points, hydration, restroom stops, etc.

One of the coolest parts was that Anna was running it at the same time with the high school cross country team!  My sister is awesome!  She was asked to fill in only 2 weeks before and she kicked trash!  She did such a great job and it was awesome to share the experience with her - text each other during the race, cheer each other on and give support.  And massages the next day when we could hardly walk.

 I saw all these fabulous women and mothers push themselves to do something great (ok, not pioneer great, but great for me).  I started crying near the end of my third leg, not because of the searing pain shooting through my right knee with each step,  but because I had DONE IT!  I had pushed past pain, tiredness, a busy life, set a goal and completed it.  It was really a great feeling.

 Showers were very welcomed at the end of the race along with a good night's sleep.  I can't wait to do it again!  

My Girl, Part 2

A few months ago I went to write a check and saw this little name - Kali (spelled backwards) on the check.   I flipped to another check and saw it on another, then another, then another.  Little miss Kali had written her name on almost every check in my checkbook.  Ever the observant one she was watching me make this discovery with a triumphant, yet nervous raise of the eyebrow.  I assume she had been anticipating the moment for a while.  I didn't say anything, but but tilted my head and gave her my own eyebrow raise, to which she replied,

"Now the money's all mine."

My Girl, Part 1

 It all appears innocent enough - Kali watering the garden.

Dad is behind the camera.

She thought she was pretty funny.

So do we.

TAPS - Washington D.C.

"Welcome home.  Welcome to the family reunion."

These were the first words out of Darcie Sims mouth at the 15th annual TAPS National Seminar for Survivors.  Darcie was the keynote speaker, a renowned expert on grief and grieving, the kind of lady who can make you laugh and cry at the same time.

She continued, "Welcome to the place you can let your guard down.  Take of the mask of 'doing ok' and 'being ok' and 'moving on' and just be.  Where we understand that every smile, every laugh, every piece of joy has been hard fought for, and hard earned.  Welcome home."

Emily, Steve, Trenton and I attended TAPS Seminar over Memorial Day Weekend.  I had my reservations about attending for a second time - I felt almost selfish like someone else needed the tickets, the spots, the chance to heal.  Until Darcie said, "If this is your first or second time, we beg you PLEASE come again.  You are the reason TAPS is what it is.  You help those who follow behind you see hope in the future.  Please keep coming."

"Everyone tells you the first year is hard.  But we all know the second year is harder." 

 

"Maybe together we have learned it's all right to be WHEREVER YOU ARE on this journey."

I think what amazed Emily and I the most was that being two years out from losing John, we were surprised to realize we were still had one of the most recent losses.  But not the most recent - you could tell the first-timers.  It looked so painful and raw - they looked like they were in shock, but you knew exactly what that felt like because it was not so long ago you were in their shoes.

It was an incredible weekend...here are some of the highlights.

We were addressed by Gen. Mike Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.  It always puts me in awe the time and support he and his wife Deborah give to TAPS and to families of those who have lost someone when he is running 2 wars and commanding countless military bases and operations all over the world.

 Emily got to shake hands with the senator responsible for passing the Post 9/11 GI Bill - that all fallen service member's children since 9/11 would be able to attend college for free.  The Senate is still working out all the details, but yeah for Johnny!!!

 Friday night we were blessed to be able to tour the Pentagon.  I had signed Trenton, Steve and I up to go to a Military Concert that night, but a month before DC Trenton's teacher gave him a book about the Pentagon to read for school.  Well, Trenton became obsessed.  He talked about the Pentagon non-stop and tickets for the tour were GONE!  As we were landing he recognized the Pentagon from the air and couldn't stop shouting "Mom, I saw the Pentagon! The REAL LIVE Pentagon!!!  Can you believe it?"  He went bounding down the concourse "I can't believe I saw the Pentagon." It was like a dagger through the heart everytime he brought it up, knowing I had given up the chance for him to see it.

Well, my mother bear instinct kicked in.  I would stop at nothing to try to get him in.  But with how wonderful everyone at TAPS is, it didn't take too much.

I went to the desk first thing Friday morning to put our name on the wait-list for tickets.  Emily HAD signed up for the tour and offered to take Trenton if we could only get one extra ticket.  We were 5 groups down on the list and I started telling Trenton's story.  The sweet lady looked at me behind her glasses and handed me one ticket, "Tell Trenton to have a good time.  And check back in a bit to see if we can give you two more."  I started crying at her kindness.  A peer mentor in a TAPS t-shirt came running up and said, "I'm here for hugs!  Come here!"  It was so cute - I love that TAPS just has people on standby for hugs.  Later in the day we checked and indeed Barb had set aside two tickets so we were all able to go...and take illegal pictures like the one above.  After Steve took this picture Trenton said, "What does that sign with the camera crossed out mean, Dad?"  Whoops.

Within the Pentagon we saw the Fallen Heros Memorial dedicated to all those who lost their lives in 9/11.

 We were addressed by Ben Stein who is an avid supporter of the military and of TAPS. His speech gave me the goosebumps.  He said, "My next door neighbors are Pierce Brosnan and Barbara Streisand.  And while they are stars, actors, and musicians - very capable at that - they are not the stars I want my sons and daughters to grow up to be like.  There are over 6 billion people in the world and 1.5 million US service members.  They are the only thing standing between the free world as we know it and total annihilation of everything we hold fast and true.  And you family members are the backbone of those defending the free world as we know it. Those are the true stars!  Those are the stars I want my sons and daughters to grow up to be like!"

 Trenton was able to go to a Good Grief Camp - here he is with his mentor Mark.  They have a mentor for every child - 400 children & 400 mentors!

 We were able to attend the Memorial Day Concert on the Lawn at the Capital Building. 

 It is an awe inspiring evening of music and stories that leaves me speechless...

 And can be very hard.

 On Monday we used our free time to tour DC.  Emily was teasing us that this was the first time Steve and I have ever rode a subway.  Yes, most of our travel has taken us to areas without subways...but Hawaii, Argentina and Guatemala had other things that compensated ;).  Really, though I could spend an entire year touring the east coast.

 We went to the Botanical Gardens in DC - oh, I loved every minute of it.

 This was the cutest scene...there were 3 little boys all from different countries.  Trenton English speaking, the little boy in the white shirt spoke French, and the two little boys in red spoke Spanish.  But they all did the exact same thing - climbed on the rocks to watch and try to splash/feed/play with the ducks, laughing together and being told by their parents to back up, please!  Childhood knows no divides.

 We also were able to go to the Natural History Museum - this Jellyfish is two stories long hanging from the ceiling.

It is interesting...many people asked me last year what we were able to do in DC.  What did you see?  Where did you go?  And I would just shake my head thinking, "I met Crystal,  a sister who had lost a brother, her baby brother, and her life hasn't been the same since.  And we were able to talk about it and finally talk to someone who understood.  Is there anything in DC more valuable to me than being with that person?  No way."

This year though, I had interest in seeing other things, in sharing them with my family, in reaching beyond TAPS.  But it didn't change that the most valuable things I took from this weekend were from TAPS.

 The Good Grief Camp for Children did some great stuff - they all wrote a letter to their loved one they had lost, tied it to a balloon and did a massive balloon launch.

 They toured Washington a bit, saw the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum and the Washington Monument, but most of all did what TAPS does best...

gained a shoulder to lean on.

May 15th

 I committed to document a day in our lives 4 times a year on the 15th.  So here we are on May 15th.  Steve said I should just skip to June 15th since I was working on May 15th, but I thought a day in our lives is a day in our lives.  So here we go :)

The days I work start the night before, laying out school clothes on school days, instructions for babysitters who come, or packing backpacks when the kiddos go elsewhere.  This day happened to be a Saturday so there is much less work the night before, knowing our very competent Daddy would be in charge.  So all I had to get ready was me and my uniform, badge, etc.

The worst part about the days I work is the alarm going off at 5:40.  That is why I do all the getting ready the night before.  The unfortunate hour I get up really is a bummer for me who is not a morning person at all. After I am up and going I love the days I work :).  It is my hobby that I really enjoy.

This particular morning little Blake woke up just before 6 so he was my getting-ready-buddy.  He loves greeting Abby in the morning.  She sleeps in her crate in our room and doesn't make a peep as long as she can see someone.  She goes all night without going potty - crate training is good stuff.

While our little Blakey had 3 minutes without being actively supervised (although I was in the shower with a glass door, helplessly watching his every move) he managed to tear open a brand new toothpaste and squeeze it all over our white bathroom rug. That's our boy.

 Last summer I initiated Special Breakfasts on the days I worked to give the kids some stability while we lived so many places.  It stuck with my breakfast loving Trenton boy.  I make them a special breakfast the mornings I work and wake them up before I leave and have 15 minutes or so with them to say goodbye and go over the days plans.  They love it, but it always leaves me RUSHED getting out the door with lots of needs, hugs and kisses.  If they stay up too late we don't do them as they will sleep until 7:30ish and be much happier.  On those mornings I just lay out cereal and bowls.

This morning I made sausage croissants from Costco - how do you resist with those awesome coupons?! - and grapes.  They loved it and after hugs and kisses I was out the door by 6:30 listening to NPR all the way to the hospital.

I don't remember all the details about work, but I do remember I had 4 patients; one of them post-op day 2 after 4 vessel open heart surgery.  Those patients are BUSY and consume most of my day with education, pulling chest tubes and pacer wires, the first walks and showers after surgery, forcing them to eat (being on a heart-lung machine ruins appetites), etc.  But it's awesome to watch them progress.

I do remember another patient telling me he just couldn't take his cholesterol drug Zocor anymore and why.
P: "Yes, it's just awful what it did to me last night.  I was just like taking a Viagra.  I got all hot and flushed, and well..you know."
Me: "Sure, yes.  (I didn't exactly know, but I had a pretty good guess) Well, let's not take that this morning and we'll talk to your primary care doctor about getting that changed."

I also had a patient who was admitted with chest pain and it snowballed into much more.  His platelet count was extremely elevated and some of his other blood work looked suspicious, so we called in an oncologist.  This man was a CEO of some Fortune 500 Company, single and very type A.  It was apparent he was not used to slowing down at all.  No one called or came to visit - no family, no friends.  It was hard watching him face a diagnosis of cancer all alone.  I tried to be a listening ear as much as possible, and a couple times he said "I'm sorry, I know you don't have time for this."  On the contrary - that is why I do what I do.  To have time for things like this.

On Saturdays Steve is really good about bringing the kids to visit for lunch as much as possible, and he did this Saturday.  I get a discount in out cafeteria and the food is on the verge of gourmet for hospital food.  They have a salad bar we love and the kids love getting the treat of chocolate milk!

This is the kids in front of Sky Ridge (yes, it's nickname is Spa Ridge with room service and the motto "Beyond Your Expectations"...it is a very nice place to recover and heal and work.  It's the way hospitals are going.  Finally.)

The kids love to play on the playground while they wait for me to come out or when I have to back to work early.

When I went back to work after lunch a coworker stopped me and said something very interesting.  Mind you she is 55, a fabulous person with a heart of gold, single with no children. She had seen us eating lunch together in the cafeteria.  "I felt so sorry for you while your kids were here.  You didn't even get a lunch break!!"  My first instinct was to laugh out loud.  When in the world do I get a 'lunch break'?  Ever?!  Never as a stay-at-home mom.  Are you kidding?  And at work I usually am interrupted 4-5 times while I scarf down food by a doctor, patient or patient's family.  And then I started to think...hmmm.  What would an actual lunch break be like?  Maybe I should look into this novel concept.

But I explained to her that I loved having my kids come to eat lunch with me, chaotic as the scene may appear.  I love exposing them to the art and science of medicine, making them comfortable with hospitals, familiar with where mom works, making a family memory and cherishing the special time that they ADORE having lunch with mom.  Because I know all too soon it will be gone.

I headed home that night and Steve had done an amazing job as always of having the kids pick up the house and had them tucked into bed.  I usually get home around 8:30. I had asked Steve to take pictures of the things they did that day for the blog.  I asked to see the pictures and he said, "Are you kidding?  When would I have had time to take pictures?  I was so busy with the kids."  I swear he says things like that just to make me feel good :).

I wanted to drop but had a couple of things to do for church...get a YW lesson ready and make our girl's camp fund-raiser poster.  Steve was so wonderful and pitched in to help finding this awesome VW Bug for a retro car wash poster.  I wasn't sure if peace signs were allowed in the church building so I tried to trim around that.  But I loved the final product - and you couldn't miss it!!!

I finished that up and crashed into bed I have no idea what time - well after midnight.  Just another day in the life of the Allens.

True Love

My husband showed me again the truest form of love over the last couple of months and I wanted to be sure to document it.

We have talked about putting a garden in since we moved into this house. I have attempted a garden in the past at our old house without much luck, but I had high hopes to make one happen this year mainly for the kiddos. They love the thought of planting a garden and I love the thought of teaching them the law of the harvest and the miracles involved in the process.

The first obstacle was a garden plot, though. One day after I worked I went straight to a Girl's Night Out and our neighbor exclaimed, "What in the world was going on in your backyard today?! There were saws flying, wood being cut, nails being pounded. Were you putting up a swing set?" My heart jumped for joy hpoing it was a garden plot, and when I got home it was better than I could have imagined. Steve and our neighbor spent HOURS one Saturday cutting wood donated by our neighbor from his old swing set to make a great looking garden plot. Much better than I had envisioned. Steve was sun-burned and exhausted, and it was one of those times that I knew how much he loved me. All of this work wasn't for his dream! Over the following weeks he worked hard to de-sod the plot, with our help from time to time. It was a lot of work and the whole time I was trying to imagine the pioneers doing this to ACRES of land!

We removed a bunch of the sand that was below the topsoil and filled it with garden soil and compost. This is a picture of the kiddos getting in a free gymnastic lesson while we filled it with soil. It's too bad we had to put up a fence to keep Abby and the deer out. We planted a bunch of seeds and a few tomato and pepper plants from Costco I just couldn't pass up, and everything is taking well so far!

I don't have a picture of the fence we put up around it or the veggies starting to grow, but let me say it is MUCH easier than at our old house. I have yet to run into a snake and there is about 0.5% of the weeds that were in our last plot. Now we are trying to avoid a major hail storm and we should be good to go! We'll keep you updated at harvest time.