Hero #2

My second "Hero Blog" is about my dear husband. The minute Emily called telling us John was missing, Steve said I should get on a plane and fly out to Florida. As is typical to Steve,he didn't give it a second thought. There is no question in his mind when it comes to the importance of family and his daily actions have always shown that. He was adamant we stay on the phone with Emily for most of Friday night, raced me to the airport Saturday morning, then stayed up with the kiddos all day. He then had the foresight to make a website, and when I told him we needed to make a flyer to pass out in Florida he said, "I did that last night, it's done, ready to print and I negotiated with the Kinko's there in Pensacola to give it to us for 1/2 price."

As soon as John was found he once again didn't second guess getting on a plane to come support us. He kept extended family members updated and patiently put up with very brief, stressful conversations from his wife the entire time we were looking for John. He drove me to the ER at 3 am, drove an hour to get me sleeping medication and brought Blake to the hospital for a day so I could nurse him. I credit Steve that I am still nursing Blake...he lugged a double pump around Florida and kept track of when to pump so I didn't lose my milk.

He knew how important video of John will be to all of us, especially Emily and John Jr. so he started archving video, requested video of John from friends in FL and interviewed countless people asking what they want John Jr to know about his Daddy. His foresight, thoughtfulness, skill and values blessed countless lives through all of this and have once again made him my hero.

Aunt Emily!!!

Yea - she's here! Emily arrived today for a 2 week visit and we are so excited. She just spreads love and joy everywhere she goes, especially in our home. We had a BBQ with friends from the ward tonight and it was a delightful night.


Blake loves cuddling and playing with his Aunt Emily!


We had a FHE with the Barillos, the Scotts and the Glissmeyers. Claudia Barillos was baptized in March and is absolutely on fire with the gospel. We had a new member discussion and she shared her powerful testimony.

Trenton pulled out the lei's in the garage and Kali passed them out to Emily and I. She decided the more the merrier for herself!

Practice Triathalon

So I was training for a sprint triathlon before John passed away. Our ward is doing it, and I am using it as a motivation to keep moving. I decided John would be very disappointed if I gave that up. So we had a practice on Saturday - half of the distance of each event, and I am grateful to be alive. The reservoir we swam in was the equivalent of ice water and I swam the entire distance with my face above water, as each time I stuck my head in the ice water I got the wind knocked out of me. All my weeks of practicing technique, breathing and strokes went out the window. I was in doggy paddle survival mode. On the bright side, there is no way the real thing could be worse...I have only one way to go from here - up!

Hero #1

I have debated the best way to blog about losing John, and I think I have found it. I don't want to dwell on losing him, but what I experienced in the last few weeks is still such a big part of my day to day life I need to record it. So I've figured out a system. I have been overwhelmed by the love and support of all those I was surrounded by during the time in Florida; my life will never be the same. I saw people move mountains when given the opportunity, and it is those people I am going to blog about for the next little while. I am entitling them my "Hero Blogs" and will intertwine them with my day to day blogs. That is how life forces us to deal with grief...I must continue day to day life, even though my world has been completely changed. So here it goes.

My first Hero blog is about my #1 Hero in all this, my dear Emily. From the moment we met I have felt like she was a kindred spirit. I saw strength, goodness, dignity and grace and knew John was the luckiest man to have her love! I will never forget flying into Florida when John went missing and walking into their home and throwing my arms around her. We held each other sobbing, but with a mission to find this man we loved. Little did I know how much she would teach me over the next two weeks. Not only did Emily lose the love of her life, she dealt with the media, investigators, the military, the nation, and hundreds of loving family members and friends. In the middle of her grief her strength, goodness, dignity and grace did not waiver.

I felt like she led us in our grieving. We laughed when she laughed, cried when she cried, spoke lovingly about memories of John with her, and felt anger along side with her.


She gave interview after interview like she had been doing this for years, with humor, sincerity and love.

She led us in relying on each other in a way we have never had to do before.

When she rested, I rested.


She walked with courage, strength and dignity when her whole world was crumbling (at the memorial service, walking with one of John's instructor pilots: her support, escort and friend Lt Brandt.)

She gave us so many opportunities for joy and laughter (at the baby shower in Pensacola, given by her dear friends the evening of the memorial service).

John is blessed to have her eternally - and I've decided as long as she's his, she's mine also. So to my #1 Hero, my dear Emily - you've taught me so much by your incredible example, you uplift me and inspire me. I love you!

I am Strong Enough

I just got off the phone with a dear friend from Littleton. The last few days have been a roller coaster as I was told they would be. This friend didn't ask details, didn't ask me if they know what happened yet or ask me Emily's future plans. She simply said "Julie, we have been praying for you and your family and I need to tell you that you are strong enough to get through this. And if you don't think you can get through a day, then breath long enough to get through the next minute. You will feel pain, but it probably won't be a 10 again. So remind yourself that even though this pain is a 9 and it hurts so bad, you survived a 10 so you can survive a 9. Julie you are strong enough - you CAN do this." I didn't tell this friend a thing about what has been going on, yet she was inspired to strengthen me with her words and love. I am so blessed. And I am Strong Enough.

My Blakey Angel

Blake has started looking at me with his big beautiful eyes and the rest of my world stops. He looks up at me and just stares and there's an amazing connection. He leans his little head back or stares at me while he's nursing and time stands still. I sure love this little guy.


Steve tied these balloons to his wrist today and his little inquisitive mind started working as he made the connection that moving his hand made the balloons bounce.

Until We Meet Again, Little Brother

It breaks my heart to actually be writing this blog, and I keep hoping this is just a nightmare. One of my best friends and heros, my little brother John Harold Alley, passed away on May 24th, 2008. His amazing wife Emily is expecting their sweet baby boy, John Harold Alley Jr. in October. I want to eventually tell the details of the past few weeks...the 4 day search for him, finding him, my hospital stay, the memorial service, and the funeral. Some of that may come out over the next few blogs, but for now...it hurts. It hurts to wake up and fall asleep. It hurts knowing what an amazing person he is and that his baby will have to learn that from others. It hurts knowing he's done touching lives on this earth (and he touched oh, so many) and is now working on the other side. And from what I have read on grief, it's going to hurt for a while. And I'm supposed to let it hurt, darn it. So for right now, this thing we call eternal progression is painful.

My favorite thing to do is celebrate his life, so here are a few of my favorite pictures of our Uncle John.


He loved our little Kali girl.



He and Trenton are kindred spirits.

And the best present he's ever given me was marrying Emily, one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

I'll miss you brother. I'll miss our talks, how you always left me inspired to be better, to reach my full potential and do the best in everything I am doing. I'll miss your voice, your smile, and your laugh. Until then watch over me...watch over your Trenton, Kali and Blake and your sweet Emily. I love you. Until we meet again, little brother.