A years worth of healing in 3 days

Emily & I in D.C. experiencing what one of my friends called "A years worth of healing in three days." Steve kept Trenton & Kali (and took them camping!) while I took Blake to the National Military Survivors Seminar. It was the 1 year anniversary of losing John and I am forever grateful we were in this place for that day. What an incredible weekend filled with so many wonderful moments...these are just a few.
Blake loved the plane ride - and we both loved the one on one time. As we were boarding I realized this was only Blake's second plane ride - the first was a year ago when we flew out to Florida after John's car accident. The airfare was paid for by Hero Miles - people donate their unused Frequent Flier Miles and we were blessed to use them.
One of Emily's wonderful college roommates arranged a place for us to stay while we were out there, making the trip possible. The 4 of us shared a bed for a couple of nights - we actually all did quite well and it was SO precious to see these two cousins sleeping together. Of course they both preferred snuggling with Mommy over those cold uncomfortable cribs any day.

The seminar was at the gorgeous Gaylord Hotel & Convention Center.

Project Linus

I have participated in blanket making projects many times, often wondering if the blanket was really needed or appreciated...after all it was just a blanket. One night, I went to pick up Blake and they handed us a blanket for each baby. I was completely overwhelmed at the kindness of a total stranger who didn't know me or how difficult this last year has been for me to take the time, money and effort to make a beautiful, patriotic blanket for my baby. The next day we were informed there were blankets for the mothers of fallen military members. Emily and I poured over the pile of blankets picking just the right one for Mom. A few minutes later they announced there was a blanket for everyone. I couldn't believe it. I was having a particularly rough time and as I chose a blanket and wrapped it around me I felt the hugs and love of people I'd never met. I felt a little silly wearing that blanket that day (like a teenage girl at girl's camp sitting around the fire), but it helped so much to be wrapped up in a soft cozy blanket. It was like there were three people around me, lifting me up & strengthening me once again. Thank you Project Linus!

Darcie and "What we Really Needed"

I will never forget Darcie (a counselor, therapist and bereaved parent) telling us that the box of tissues in the middle of the table was simply not going to cut it this weekend! She said we would need to have toilet paper - rolls and rolls of toilet paper to get us through the weekend. And if we tucked some in our pockets 'like so', not many people would pry too much into why in the world we were wearing it. :)

The Concert on the Lawn

We were blessed to be taken to the Concert on the Lawn at the U.S. Capital building. Oh my goodness it was beautiful and moving and will now be a Memorial Day tradition the Sunday before every Memorial Day to come.

Arlington
(and the irony of this picture - see below)

We were given front row seats on Memorial day to hear President Obama speak. After waking our babies up at the crack of dawn, leaving the hotel at 7 am and getting in out seats at 8:30, they made the announcement that President Obabma would speak at 11:30. Emily looked at t=me with wide eyes and said that will be just about meltdown time for these two. I burned through my arsenol of bottles, diapers, snacks and toys (plus anything else I could come up with) just before President Obama started speaking. This was the moment we had all waited three hours for and you could hear a pin drop. Just as he started speaking Blake fell and hit his head on a marble bench - he was hot, exhausted and DONE. And he let everyone know. For an eternity. 20 rows away from the President. With the snipers on the roof ready to fire at a moving target. When I played the video back it wasn't that loud OR that long until he cried himself to sleep, but it sure felt like it. The speech was fabulous. He asked to have a moment of silence at 3:00 honoring those who had fallen for our nation, but then choose something to do to give back to our country. That is what all the veterans who'd given their lives for this country would want - ACTION. It was fabulous.

I have to say, before the trip I was looking forward to the concert and to hearing President Obama speak. They were wonderful, but these were not the highlights of the trip for me.

The highlights for me were:

* Sitting down in the sibling support group surrounded by 50 siblings who had lost their lifelong best friends.

*Not having to explain the depth of my grief and how it had affected my life in the past year and knowing everyone there 'completely understood.'

*Downtime with Em...just walking, talking, eating, being together.

*Being able to experience complete thoughts and finish them without hearing, "Mom...I need...could you get...have you seen...help me find...he did/she did...I'm hungry...when are we going to...(I really could go on and on with that obviously). For three whole days I got to experience complete thoughts!

*The amazing lectures/seminars on grief and grieving.

*Seeing Emily surrounded and supported by fellow widows, hearing their tragidies and stories of survival..

*Watching Johnny play with another little baby boy whose Daddy will never hold him in this life, then seeing the two pillars of strength who will raise them.

*Once again, experiencing the goodwill and kindness of total strangers.

* Seeing people at different levels of grief - those who were under a year or two out vs those who were 5-10 years out. The transformation, compassion, and wisdom that had been gained at that point.

*Being surrounded and lifted up by so many amazing, educated, intelligent, cultured, USA-loving people who had someone taken 'too soon.'

*Most of All - Hearing the tragic stories of each person we came in contact with and then witnessing hands on their triumph after the fall (all the way from making it day to day to running marathons to setting up foundations to support others in similar situations) .

I didn't want to leave the safe haven TAPS had created, but I knew I would be a better person because I had been there.

Bye-bye D.C. - we'll see you again next year!