I have participated in blanket making projects many times, often wondering if the blanket was really needed or appreciated...after all it was just a blanket. One night, I went to pick up Blake and they handed us a blanket for each baby. I was completely overwhelmed at the kindness of a total stranger who didn't know me or how difficult this last year has been for me to take the time, money and effort to make a beautiful, patriotic blanket for my baby. The next day we were informed there were blankets for the mothers of fallen military members. Emily and I poured over the pile of blankets picking just the right one for Mom. A few minutes later they announced there was a blanket for everyone. I couldn't believe it. I was having a particularly rough time and as I chose a blanket and wrapped it around me I felt the hugs and love of people I'd never met. I felt a little silly wearing that blanket that day (like a teenage girl at girl's camp sitting around the fire), but it helped so much to be wrapped up in a soft cozy blanket. It was like there were three people around me, lifting me up & strengthening me once again. Thank you Project Linus!
Darcie and "What we Really Needed"
I will never forget Darcie (a counselor, therapist and bereaved parent) telling us that the box of tissues in the middle of the table was simply not going to cut it this weekend! She said we would need to have toilet paper - rolls and rolls of toilet paper to get us through the weekend. And if we tucked some in our pockets 'like so', not many people would pry too much into why in the world we were wearing it. :)The Concert on the Lawn
We were blessed to be taken to the Concert on the Lawn at the U.S. Capital building. Oh my goodness it was beautiful and moving and will now be a Memorial Day tradition the Sunday before every Memorial Day to come.I have to say, before the trip I was looking forward to the concert and to hearing President Obama speak. They were wonderful, but these were not the highlights of the trip for me.
The highlights for me were:
* Sitting down in the sibling support group surrounded by 50 siblings who had lost their lifelong best friends.
*Not having to explain the depth of my grief and how it had affected my life in the past year and knowing everyone there 'completely understood.'
*Downtime with Em...just walking, talking, eating, being together.
*Being able to experience complete thoughts and finish them without hearing, "Mom...I need...could you get...have you seen...help me find...he did/she did...I'm hungry...when are we going to...(I really could go on and on with that obviously). For three whole days I got to experience complete thoughts!
*The amazing lectures/seminars on grief and grieving.
*Seeing Emily surrounded and supported by fellow widows, hearing their tragidies and stories of survival..
*Watching Johnny play with another little baby boy whose Daddy will never hold him in this life, then seeing the two pillars of strength who will raise them.
*Once again, experiencing the goodwill and kindness of total strangers.
* Seeing people at different levels of grief - those who were under a year or two out vs those who were 5-10 years out. The transformation, compassion, and wisdom that had been gained at that point.
*Being surrounded and lifted up by so many amazing, educated, intelligent, cultured, USA-loving people who had someone taken 'too soon.'
*Most of All - Hearing the tragic stories of each person we came in contact with and then witnessing hands on their triumph after the fall (all the way from making it day to day to running marathons to setting up foundations to support others in similar situations) .
I didn't want to leave the safe haven TAPS had created, but I knew I would be a better person because I had been there.
4 comments:
Thank you sis for writing all that. I know how long that takes. I'm sure John is happy you were both there for each other.
Sweetheart-
The hole in my heart is so large with your brothers passing. It has been hard for me to put my feelings into words. The pain is too deep. I hope all those who need this blessed program will be able to go next year. I'm so grateful you four were able to go. See you tomorrow.
Love You All
What an amazing experience for the 2 of you to share. I'm so glad you were able to attend and gain so much.
Thank you sweet Julie for the added measure of healing this brought for me today as I am still in the mending process as I have recently told both you and Emily. I am so grateful for the sisterhood and bond you share that is eternal.
Grandma Alley
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